relax

WHERE AM I NOW? WHAT AM I DOING?

Well, I am currently in Auckland at the moment, I’m not too sure if I explained this in a previous post but I am waiting for my flight to Fiji.
Basically, I thought that I was going to stay in New Zealand for 3 months and find a job, but by the time that I went travelling around, I would only have just under 2 months left. I thought to myself that by the time I find a job (2 weeks minimum), it probably wouldn’t be worth it just for the 3-4 weeks as I’ve probably spent the same amount whilst looking for a job. Does any of this make sense?

Anyway, I decided that I would leave New Zealand asap, as it’s just the sensible thing to do. I have had SUCH AN AMAZING TIME in New Zealand, it has been so incredible here. But I think that it is just the right thing to do, leave here before I end up spending money when I could be spending my money on other activities that I haven’t done like Disneyland and Las Vegas when I get to America.

So, I contacted STA Travel to change my flights via the online form (Surprise surprise, they didn’t respond to me as usual..) so my dad rang them up and asked them. We had a really helpful guy (shock horror!) that tried to get flights ASAP for me, but sadly they were really struggling to get flights from Nadi to Los Angeles. So I was and have been just waiting around until I manage to get flight confirmations, which is sort of defeating the point of the reason why I want to leave. But long behold! I have my flights confirmed and I will be leaving for Fiji in just under a week, so I am excited to move on and spend my money wisely on new things, instead of hanging around and spending on hostels, food and Starbucks.

I am really sad to be ending my travels a lot sooner than expected and I absolutely loved it here, but it’s so expensive to travel and I just can’t afford to carry on like it. Also, the amount of stress and anxiety I have had recently really needs to come down! I have been feeling like my brain is going to explode from so many thoughts, for no reason at all!

So, I’m excited and a little bit sad too. But I have to move on and carry on enjoying myself for the time being!

I will be getting wifi in Fiji at my hotel, hopefully. I’m not too sure if it’s fast, but I will do my very best to try write up some posts before I go, so I can just schedule them or actually quickly post them when I’m in Fiji. I am going to be using the time to really relax and chill out, but I will also be my usual self, saying I’m going to relax but end up trying to be productive at the same time, too!

Don’t lost hope on the blog posts, they will still be coming! And expect quite a lot of Book Reviews too, I have been doing more catching up recently!
I’ll speak to you all soon!
xx

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Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety.

As you might have noticed either from my posts or from knowing me in general, I have started to suffer with anxiety.
I feel like I have always been stressed out about the smallest of things, but could find a way of relaxing in the end.
Since I have been travelling, I have become very stressed sometimes and for the last few months, I feel like I haven’t been able to de-stress and relax properly. I know that I shouldn’t be stressing about anything, but I still do. I try to relax, so I take time out and read in bed which helps but I know that it will trigger very quickly again.

I have never really noticed it until a few months ago, that it really annoys me that I am constantly stressing or worrying about something.
Even little things can irritate or anger me, like small noises, people snoring, general noise..
Obviously, I feel like being away from home and not having my own room is quite a bit part in this but I have even started to become socially anxious.

I am usually a people person, and I would say that I still am, in my own new way. I will speak to almost anyone, happily. But, the last few months whilst staying at the hostel, I find that it’s easier for me to run away to my room from people I know, because I know that I’ll get distracted there for long periods of time when I should try to rest and relax, or I even find it easier to do that so people won’t ask me several questions.
Of course, I love all of my friends so much and I know that when I do take the time to speak to everybody, I really enjoy it. But it’s just the initial step of doing it, or the run up to it.
I feel that when I’m ready to go and speak to everyone, I will do that in my time.

I have gotten to the point that I am stressed so often, that my psoriasis is a lot worse and flares up every 1-2 days (even my mother has noticed via Facetime on several occasions), my glands have been swelling up a lot more and I have had numerous headaches on times – just hours apart from each other.

Is this just completely messed up of me? Am I over reacting and just worrying about the smallest of things?
I think it’s time that I finally address this and speak up about it.
I just want to go about my business, then curl into a ball in my room, in complete silence and read a book – basically!

I’m even stressing now (as I have a 4 person room to myself) about when the next person is going to check in, when are they going to come, are they going to be noisy, will they snore (that really, really makes me angry for some reason – I know it’s not their fault..), will they want constant conversation when I like my own time?

Do any of you feel this way ever? I use to think I was just over stressing, but it seems like I’m constantly doing this now, for the past few months!
Feel free to throw me some advice, your experiences or anything! I would really appreciate some chit chat about all of this, right now.

(I can’t even think of an end to my post, ‘Speak to you soon’ seems a little too bipolar for this!)
You get what I mean! I’m not even going to look back on this post, I have just wrote it straight from the top of my head!
xx